I Love You!

Dear Aydan & Avabean,
I went to the grocery store this afternoon with Avabean while Aydan napped and while walking around, I decided to look at Father's Day cards since it is coming up in a few weeks. I saw all the cards for Dads from their daughters and my heart broke. This will be the first Father's Day without Grandpa and I miss him so much!

My favorite singer/songwriter, Jason Mraz, worded it the best:
"The reason it hurts so bad when someone passes away is because we lose the ability to tell them we love them."
All I want to do most days is tell Grandpa just how much I really love him and I guess that's why seeing those cards hurt so much...I'll never be able to tell him that again. Tell everyone just how much you love them every single day kids, because when the time comes for them to go home to Jesus, you won't be able to anymore. It's just another reason why I tell you kids everyday! I never want you to forget how much I love you, but mainly, I love being able to tell you that I do!

On the 14th of May, I started a bible study on Proverbs 31. It is essentially what God wants us to be as wives and mothers and what men should look for when searching for their future wife.
It has been so healing for me to see where I can improve. I try every day to be the best mother and wife that I can be but I am not perfect. I, like you, fall short of God's grace and need a Savior.

Over the past few weeks, I have discovered the following things:
1) I need to get back to God. I had an amazing relationship with Christ when your father and I first met, but as life has gone on, deployments have been announced, I have strayed. My faith hasn't changed at all; I still believe and know in my heart that God is real and that he sacrificed his one and only son, Jesus Christ, to pay the ultimate price for my sins. But I have slowly stopped praying as often as I should and stopped reading the word. I'm trying though because I want to be a good example not just for you but for your father. I want to love him the way Christ wants me to love him.

2) I am going to try harder to have "eager hands". I am going to see all my housework and mundane tasks with joy knowing that I am providing a humble home for my family. I am going to do them with ah heart full of thanksgiving knowing that I wouldn't have a family to do this for if it were not for God blessing me with one.

3) I cannot do everything on my own and it's okay to ask for help and admit that I cannot do things alone. I am realizing that even more now that it's been a month and two days since Grandpa has passed. I need to remind myself that it is healthy and normal to feel lost and need help because we are only human. Never feel negatively in needing help, my dear babies. It doesn't make you weak at all, it makes you stronger for being able to admit that you need help. It is through Christ that we find our strength, we are never meant to go through hard times alone...He is always alongside us, guiding our steps.

I love you both more than words could ever express!

Mommy