Underappreciated

I have to credit my friend Meg Spisak for giving me the push to do this and share....thanks Meg :)

As of right now, I am in my bedroom contemplating why my husband is out playing COD with his brother instead of getting ready for bed with me. I have barely spent any time with Dan this entire weekend. David, his brother, is visiting from CT and I know that it's been forever since they've seen each other, but I think my DH has forgotten that he has other responsibilities.
Friday night, they went out bar-hopping after Aj went to bed. I, of course wasn't invited, who wants to invite their pregnant wife, right? He didn't come home until 1am, then proceeded to play video games until about 3am. Of course, when Aj wakes up at 3:30am, Dan is passed out, so once again, I have to get up with my sweet baby boy and then bring him to bed with me because I just don't have the energy at all anymore to fight with him to stay in his crib in his room. And in all honesty, I love being able to cuddle with my Aj.

Saturday morning, Aj is up and ready to go at 7am. Oh joy! Mommy duty begins again :) Dan sleeps in until 8am and then reminds my mother, who got up to help me with Aydan, that he wasn't going to let me have to take care of Aj alone. All he does is give him breakfast. Everytime Aj gets into something, I'm running after him. At 9:30am, I am beyond exhausted and bring my little baby into my bedroom to lay down and take a nap with Mommy, which never happens, but I wanted to cuddle with my baby. Dan then decides to lay down with us. Aj and I nap until about 11am when my husband decides to "sneak" back into our room and tries to have SEX while Aj is sleeping right next to me. Really? His reasoning, "I missed you last night". Wow, I'm so glad that you missing me equates to wanting to "hit it and quit it". I say this because my husband was planning on leaving at 12:30pm for a University of South Carolina football game. I simply told him to shower so when his ride showed up, he didn't keep them waiting. I spent the rest of the day with my mother and my son. At around 5pm, I have a total breakdown. My amazing mother, comforts me and simply tells me that he just doesn't get it.

When Aj was 3 months old, Dan deployed. I was breastfeeding and shortly after, I went back to work. I barely went out and couldn't bear to be aware from Aj longer than my workday. So, I hung out with my baby and my parents and a few friends. Then Dan came home and I was so looking forward to doing things and being able to go out without feeling guilty leaving him with my mom. Dan and I have had ONE date night since he got home. He got home in May, it's freaking September. He is always spending money and I go without, because he complains about money. I don't even want to think of how much money he spent this weekend at the game and then buying stuff to tailgate.

All I want is to go and get a pedicure without being made to feel guilty. For the longest time, I did it at home, but now, I just don't have the energy. But I think I deserve to go out and get away from being a Mom the same way he gets to get away from being a dad. Someone said, "our husbands don't yearn for our children the way we do as moms" and I couldn't agree more. But I feel like he gets to do so much more and I am left being Mommy; a job that I love more than I ever thought possible. But for me to be a good Mom, I need to get some time for me. Going to work Monday-Friday isn't me time. It's work! Then I have to come home and do more work. This weekend wasn't restful at all because I had to play Mom & Dad for Aj. I can handle doing that when Dan is deployed, but I don't think it's fair in the least bit that I have to do it when he's home.

Dan has ALS (Airman Leadership School) at 7am tomorrow morning. I thought he would want to get to bed so he could be well rested for an 8 hour day of class, but that's silly, apparently. I guess he's forgotten who's been there supporting him everytime he took the test to become a SSgt. I guess he's also forgetting who helped him put his ribbon rack together so that his blues would be ready for his first day of class on Friday.

It's just been an ongoing saga this weekend and I once again am left to comtemplate what the f*$% just happend this weekend. I'm tired, pregnant and emotional and all I want to do it cry because I need him and he's rather play COD. There are days when I want to thrown the Xbox out the freaking window.